This just in! McCain Defeats Clinton for President! Wait… WHAT?
Well, well, well.
It looks like the McCain campaign has fired up their (clearly broken) time machine, and have launched themselves into the future.
At this page on the McCain website, we find an article written describing how McCain has defeated Clinton in the 2008 Presidential Election. Wow! They did all the work for us... including providing details how he won a campaign that DOES NOT EXIST. Not only are they making up shit, they are making it up IN ADVANCE!
http://www.johnmccain.com/landing/a16.htm
Here is the full text, in case they take the site down... and a .pdf of their site that I made is located HERE.
Republican Senator John McCain was elected president last evening, defeating Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton, the Democratic nominee. McCain's victory came by winning the "red" states that supported President Bush in 2004, while also winning independents to capture the key battleground states of Pennsylvania, Michigan, Wisconsin and Minnesota.
McCain ran a disciplined campaign that focused on the issues of reforming the culture of Washington and vigorously prosecuting the war on terror. Political experts expressed surprise that McCain was able to wrest the mantle of change away from Clinton, given that she represented the party out of power which normally lays claim to being the agent of change.
Exit polling showed that voters rejected Clinton's health care plan, a central message of her campaign, by a substantial margin because of its heavy reliance on federal government mandates and the inevitable higher taxes and lower quality of care that would result. In contrast, voters gave McCain's plan, which focuses on reducing costs and empowering individuals and families to strengthen the health care system, an overwhelming stamp of approval.
McCain was tireless in arguing that he was the real agent of change in the race. He noted that only he could reform a "culture of tax and spend" in the nation's capitol and contended that Senator Clinton was far more comfortable playing the old game of advocating new government programs, rather than making the existing programs more effective. McCain also benefited from being the more experienced candidate who could best handle foreign policy and fight the war on terror.
In the end, McCain's appeal to political independents enabled him to win key Midwestern battleground states that were thought to be safe for Clinton. Political observers were of the view that in this otherwise difficult political year, McCain had unique appeal to swing voters in these key states. "I'm not sure any other Republican could have won these voters," said network pollster Lawrence Smith...
Ironically there's a photo/link that is scattered all over McCain's website (including this page!) that reads "Help write history!"
I was just assuming they meant by donating someone could help fuck over America with 4 more years of neocon policies, but apparently they meant you'd be able to WRITE HISTORY IN ADVANCE!
UPDATE: THE MCCAIN CAMPAIGN HAS REMOVED THE PAGE.
AS OF 12:47PM 7/26/2008 IT IS GONE.
YOU CAN FIND THE PDF FILE OF THE ORIGINAL PAGE HERE.